Spankd were at Chelmsford Crown Court today for the latest hearing for serial fraudster Jon Sheller. However, as the case hasn’t concluded we won’t be reporting on what happened until tomorrow.
Sheller was due to appear in Court 7 at 2 pm today, and unlike the many previous occasions where Sheller didn’t show, he amazed us all including the court staff when he did.
Sheller arrived in the court’s waiting area arm in arm with a little old lady. Im unsure if he was supporting her or if she was supporting him. Either way, upon spotting me Jon came and sat next to me and made the most lame attempt at intimidation that has ever been witnessed.
Jon sat at the side of me and in a soft, camp and slightly lispy voice said “Hello”. I politely replied back with my own hello and enquired why out of all the seats in the waiting room he had chosen to sit next to me. He advised me that he can “sit where he wants”. I expect Jon wanted to portray a Hanibal Lecter level of intimidation and presence, but unfortunately his delivery was more Forest Gump.
I could see his attempt at intimidation was embarrassing for us both so I tried to lighten the mood with a little joke.
Me: Jon, why did the chicken cross the road?
Jon: I don’t know.
Me: To get to the idiot’s house. Knock Knock.
Confused Sheller: Who’s there?
Me: The chicken.
On the delivery of my hilarious punchline Jon stood up, called me a wanker and went to seek the solace of his Grandma Jo.
Check back tomorrow for the even more embarrassing story of what’s been happening in court.
Spankd 
Lovely. When can we do a “Jon Sheller, fallen souljah?” Oh well, his last beans on toast tonight as a free man. Some screws (wardens) are soooo bribable. Sugar and hot water?
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