Spankd Media has been fortunate to interview the Leader of the SNP, Nicola Sturgeo, but on the condition that we don’t sanitise her Scottish accent and phraseology with a Sasanach translation.

Froggy: Nicola, thank you for meeting me. I wonder if we can talk about Scotlands failing education system, failing NHS and failing local services ?

Nicola: Tis a’ Englands fsault isnae it. Ah didnt spend a’ th’ dosh oan Irn Bru ‘n’ salt ‘n’ vinegar crisps did ah ya bas?

Froggy: but you were paid subsadies to improve these services in Scotland by the British Government, so what happened to the money and why havent the services been improved?

Nicola: Tis a’ Englands fsault isnae it. Scootlund wid be better o’ independant o’ stoatin Britain fur ah hate th’ pumpin’ sassenach. We cuid be financially sel sufficient, bit th’ sasanachs wid need tae pay us a subsidy anyway.

Froggy: if Scotland could be self suficient, then why would Scotland need to receive a subsidy?

Nicola: Tis a’ englands fsault isnae it. We need th’ subsidy fur ive wasted pumpin’ millions o’ poonds ‘n’ need th’ sasanachs tae bail me oot. Did ah mention independance?

Ah cannae staun ‘ere a’ day talking tae ye, ive git an Irn Bru factory tae open. Noo pick a windae, yer leavin’

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